I haven’t written a post in so long. Life has been crazy, hectic but also exciting- so I can’t complain. I decided to go back to school after contemplating it for so long, I decided to just go for it and see what happens.
I wanted a change- I NEEDED a change. Although I felt comfortable at my job, there was something missing. I couldn’t quite pinpoint it exactly but I just wasn’t excited about waking up in the morning anymore. I was discussing with one of my coworkers how I wanted to do something different, but didn’t know how. I never really discussed personal things at work but as we were driving home the one day I let down my guard (had a semi-breakdown in the process) and just let her know how frustrated I was with where I was at.
I always wanted to be a nurse, but for some reason I did what other people wanted me to and ended up at a job that didn’t fulfill my purpose. A few days later my coworker said she had some interesting news. Her friend was a nurse and knew of a program that was being offered that could get me my credentials.
Now I believe nothing is a coincidence in life- everything happens for a reason. I knew this was the next step for me…it made sense. The only concern I had now was how was I going to have the time to complete the program, the money and still pay my bills. My coworker said don’t worry- the school is covered given you put in enough hours at the clinical placement. I couldn’t believe it- it was all coming together. I had a lifeline now. I had a little bit of hope that I could attend school.
I started school a month ago- life has been hectic. I go to work and then in the evenings attend school. To say I am sleep deprived is an understatement. There are days that push me so close to the breaking point with work and then trying to manage school on top of it all. But when I am about ready to give up I remember what an incredible opportunity this is for me. I remember how desperately I wanted a change and now God gave me just that.
The one demon I still battle with daily is my own self doubt. I am a hard worker, I do a good job, get along with people. But the one thing I struggle with is my lack of confidence in my own abilities. I never think I am doing enough. I don’t have complete faith that everything will work out. I wish I did , but I still have those moments where I question it all.
So I guess that is what I am working on now. The school work I can deal with, work I can manage but sometime my own negativity gets the best of me. I try to wake up in the morning and tell myself “you don’t have to have everything figured out- just go with it”.
I also realized the huge connection between what I ate and my mood. I used to meditate, try to stay positive, but my one downfall was my diet. I was always so tired by the end of the day that I would eat out 4-5 days a week. Now I make an effort to eat non-processed, whole foods. The produce section at the supermarket has become my new best friend 🙂 When I stick to the healthy eating it’s amazing how all the self doubt and anxiety goes away. I try to take my dog out for a walk more now…exercise..now that it’s nice weather I have no excuse.
I don’t really know why I am writing this- sometimes I just like to look back and see my progress. So I guess what I would say to anyone who is struggling – just cut yourself a break. Take a deep breath, don’t worry about tomorrow or next week just today. Cause as cliche as it sounds – the present moment is all we have.
I read this quote somewhere “A happy life is just a string of happy moments. But most people don’t allow the happy moment, because they’re so busy trying to get a happy life”.
So don’t focus so much on the happy life, just worry about achieving a few happy moments here and there 🙂 Also eat a few fruits and vegetables here and there, exercise- make yourself a priority.
Now back to my crazy, hectic, blessed life 🙂